The Case of Sexualized Attention

"Why do you hate (certain person)?" nobody asked me ever, but I'm going to answer anyway.

"Because she sexualizes her attention," I say to the person who doesn't exist.

"What does that mean?"

Hi, I'm Scarlet. You may remember me from The Case of "Empowerment," Your Music is Too Loud, and Get Off My Lawn.

I've made up the term; I'm not sure if there's a better term I haven't found yet. I shy away from "attention whore" because of the unnecessary usage of whore, and because that's not quite what I'm talking about.

Sexualized attention takes many forms. It could be flirting (not all flirting is equal), it could be suggestive body language, or it could be provocative clothing. Mostly, it's all three put together, for the sake of getting something out of someone (other than sex / sexual relations).

(What it's not: the person in suggestive clothing that is giving you the cold shoulder / not engaging you. Nope. The friendly banter between you and another person that leaves you feeling a little warm. Nuh uh. Your date that got a little heated but didn't go anywhere. Maybe, but probably not.)

The point of sexualized attention is to use sex or  suggestion of sex to keep the other person's attention. Asking for help replacing a flat tire is normal. Telling someone they are a big strong man with sultry eyes and a come hither stare is using sex for attention.

Why does it matter? Because as a woman (I don't know of this happens among guys) providing sexualized attention is "worth" more to a man than regular conversation.

For example, I was having a great nerd conversation with a guy once. I wasn't look to bang or get into a relationship or anything---just making small nerd talk. A woman comes up, dressed up as a slutty cop (it was Halloween) and flat out says, "I loooove sucking cock."

And BOOM! I ceased to exist. Our conversation was over, I was rendered invisible, and the drool on his face was evident.  She went on to explain how she was going to suck cock right here at this party and he was entranced. I walked away, completely forgotten, not visible next to a woman with a huge rack talking about sucking cock.

There's no way to "win" as a woman, when another woman uses her sexuality. Men love it. Men will eat up any sexualized attention they receive, and some women use it as a weapon.

I thought it was only high school that guys were hypnotized by boobs, but it never went away. Guys would complain about wanting a girl friend to play video games with.....only to be at the beck and call of the girl who developed early. She was the dumbest person I'd ever met--she thought she invented 'oy vey' and was skeptical re: Jewish phrases.

Some women know this at a conscious level; some women don't understand why the guy thinks she likes him, even when she cuddles and giggles and strokes his hair.

Advertising uses it to the extreme form (does anything not use sexy women to sell their product?) But women do it themselves too. A woman who sexualized herself is prized by the media and marketing. A woman with experience and education is nothing compared to a woman who knows how to make a man feel good.

Of course, I'm not allowed to say any of this. It is some sort of shaming now---probably slut shaming, though I have no issue with who / how manu they've slept with. At least I'd you sleep with them, it's not for an ulterior motive.

I guess that makes me a fake shamer.